Cuz, I want to drive the Zamboni...

So, it appears I am one step closer to achieving my plan to marry an Olympic athlete (preferably not from one of the really stud sports that require only the youth of a generation like snowboarding or bobsledding.). You see, I concocted a plan during the past winter Olympics. I have no real desire to watch the games themselves – yes, I know I am highly un-American and will never reach Stephen Colbert’s classification of ‘Megamerican’- but the games do visit come pretty interesting places I wouldn’t mind visiting. Come on…I could so skip most of the actual athletic events, just doing the tourist thing as much as possible. Up until now I had no clue how to get my foot in the door, but that might all change.
You see, FemeNazi might be going on a blind date with one of the Alaska Aces – a pro hockey team based in Anchorage. Of course, this meant we spent a good hour on the phone last night discussing both the gentleman in question and his very questionable team mates. Anyway, the guy is kind of Neanderthal looking (come on…just look at demonic pose he has in the pic), which doesn’t really come as a surprise but is somewhat amusing if you think about FemeNazi dating a hockey player. (Although he is not completely inarticulate…in one interview he talked about how the “puck comes off your stick”…I don’t need to tell you where my mind went.) Ah, what fascinating conversation they will have…FemeNazi – who knows nothing about hockey - talking about Foucault while HockeyGod discusses his latest goals – actual ones not the existential ones. (Excuse me…I need to go and laugh hysterically for a moment!! Meanwhile, I would like to take a moment and encourage everyone to visit the Alaska Aces Roster page since some of the players take really unfortunate photos. Also, keep in mind that all of these guys are barely 20…man do I feel old.)
But back to my plan…so you see in order to meet my Olympic spouse, first FemeNazi hooks up with the HockeyGod. Then she convinces him to try out for the Olympic team. Barely making the cut, but winning over the coaches with his ‘love of the game’ and the amount of heart he puts into his game, HockeyGod will get the last spot on the squad. (Eventually this will inspire a Lifetime made-for-tv film entitled “Passion on the Ice” or something just as cheesy in which I will be played by Kiwi Melanie Lynskey since as the best friend, I will have a small bit role!!) Anyway, FemeNazi will invite me to go to the Olympics as her guest. At some official Olympic gather, my eyes will lock with some stranger thus proving that trashy novel plots can happen in real life. (Of course, this story will be the plot of a Lifetime made-for-tv-sequel this time starring Melanie Lynskey.)
So…there is the plan in its entirety. I think it will fall into place quite nicely, but then again…this is all contigent on the guy calling FemeNazi, but other than that, I think it is pretty foolproof. Although I could be wrong…I often am!!